If You Haven't Wished That The Bible Didn't Condemn Romantic, Homosexual Relationships You Haven't Loved Yet

I've spent a lot of time believing that being nice is loving like Jesus.

I was wrong.

If you haven't wished with all your heart that the Bible didn't condemn romantic, homosexual relationships, then you haven't read this:

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Or this:

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Or if you are research and detail-oriented:

Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harm in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth

If you haven't wished with all your heart that the Bible didn't condemn romantic, homosexual relationships, then you haven't watched this movie preview:

You haven't listened to Matthew Vines as he lays out his interpretation of scripture and shares with us the life that we are telling him he has to live. Alone. Never to marry. Never to have the same intimate and character-forming relationship that we share with our opposite-gender spouses. Does that sound easy? Ask your single friends who are looking and waiting for someone to love and to be loved by. You are brokenhearted for your straight, single friends, but you have ignored Matthew's loneliness.

The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality

Matthew Vines

You probably didn't know this:

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...and you probably never read what life is like for a homeless, LGBT teenager:

Homeless for the Holidays. 

You probably haven't experienced what Jen Hatmaker, a believer in traditional marriage, describes in her "Where I Stand" blog post that brought me to tears. Literally, right there on my couch, tears falling down my face.

You probably felt that when World Vision reversed their decision to allow individuals in a same-sex marriage to work in their ministry just 2 days after allowing it, that Christians gained a victory. You probably have no idea…NO IDEA…the amount of pain that caused.

You may not know that the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin," hurts.

It's possible that you've never sat across the table from someone who told you his/her story of begging God to take away his/her same-sex attraction…and it never happened.

It's possible that your son or daughter has never sat across the table from you and told you that they begged God to take away their same-sex attraction...and it never happened. 

If you click on only one link in this entire post, READ THIS transcript of a speech a mother gave to her church years after her son came out. I simply can't say it any better.

Here's the link again:

  "The First Thing My Mom Did When She Learned I Was Gay…and The 'Miracle' That Occurred After."

Do your own research. At the very least, you won't find gay jokes funny anymore.

* * *

Where do I stand in all this? In the place where some of the things I am most assured of in life are found. In the same place we go to and hope our church friends never find out about. 


The same place the Apostle Paul went. 

The same place that "Doubting Thomas" went

The same place Peter and Nicodemus and Martha went. 

The place wherein you try to rid yourself of all preconceived ideas and well-worn thinking patterns. The place where truth seems elusive but is actually just an arms length away, if only you could make it out. The place where you test your heart and twist scripture, hoping you can make the two congruent, hoping that you're actually straightening out scripture and it's been twisted in your mind all along. 

The place we find assurance because we dared to face our uncertainty and ask a few questions.  

I have found, however, that it's not as simple as answering just a few questions. Each belief we have is not independent from the others we hold. They are the bricks in our house, mortared together, forming a fortress that keeps us safe, keeps us sane. They are necessary for our survival. But occasionally we find a brick that isn't like the others and we have to decide whether we are fine with our glaring inconsistency or if we feel the need to fix it.

The hard part is watching your house crumble around you as you undo everything around it and seek to figure out what bricks can be restored and which ones you have to throw out. It's heavy and it's painful. 

In the meantime, I have kids who need the safety of a well-built belief system, people are leaving Evangelicalism, others see no reason to ever put their foot in the door, and another father just found out his son was gay when he found him hanging in his closet. This isn't the way we want them to come out!

I feel the urgency. In my bones and in the pit of my stomach I feel it.  

Maybe this is too bold or painting with too broad of a brush, but if you haven't wished with all your heart that the Bible didn't call homosexuality a sin, you haven't loved yet.

A year ago, or so, I was having my mental discussion with Jesus in my head, asking Him why. Why so much confusion? Why so much hurt? Why, if he cared, if he really knew what was going on in a world hostile to gays and lesbians, why would the Bible call homosexuality a sin?

As I stood there, I began to envision Jesus in front of a young, gay man, a representative of many.  I asked Jesus why he was just standing there when a young man was on his knees, begging God to take it away or make it O.K. or just make life O.K.? Why does he just stand there when many of us in Christianity are waiting…waiting and ready to do whatever Jesus would do.

And then Jesus knelt down behind the young man and, with tears in his eyes, put his arms around him and cried. Jesus wept. With each visible projection of emotion, the jerking, the rocking, the pounding, Jesus held him, his own heart painfully spilling out his compassion in his own sobs, unable to say anything except, "I know. I know. And I love you." No Bible. Not in this moment. No fancy exegesis and no judgement. Just crying.

And I was crying. Seldom had I ever cried as much. Tears of compassion, tears of worship, and so many tears for the lack of compassion I have shown in my lifetime. I was surprised by my uneven breaths and just how quickly the tears were coming. No wonder villagers during Jesus' time on earth thought people had lost their minds after they encountered Jesus! I guess you do.

What Jesus did when the young man got up to face the world again, I do not know. I only know that I saw what it looks like to love like Jesus. I only know that whatever the answers are, until I learn Love, I cannot be taught.  

Until I finally wished with all my heart that the Bible didn't call condemn romantic, homosexual relationships, I hadn't really loved yet. Not like Jesus, anyway.


  1. Love this so much! Thank you Rachael. :)

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you. :) And thank you for taking the time to read it. I do appreciate it. Sincerely.

  3. You touch my heart every time. Thank you for being you and thank God for our meeting at that picnic table. Love you my friend!

  4. Thank you. I am so thankful, as well!

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    1. Thank you, Sharon. :) I appreciate you taking the time to read it!

  6. Rachel, how you use your words to share your heart is amazing. How those words come through the computer screen and touch another person is a miracle. You touched this person's heart today. And I'm sure many others. You have a gift of writing, and that is great and a blessing. But you really have a gift of a ponderer and a deeply thoughtful worshipper; that is a BLESSING. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Pat, that is an incredible compliment! I don't think I could express my gratitude to equal it! Thank you for taking the time to read it.

  7. I hear your heart here- I understand the message, but the Bible does call it sin. Just like ending a human life in utero is sin- I can feel compassion for all the reasons a woman would feel she needs to do that, but the truth is still truth no matter how reasonable not following it seems. God doesn't always take our sinful bents away- sometimes he asks us to choose him despite our thorns. I was bi-sexual, away from home, and a mess a teenager, and a compassion that ignored truth didn't lead me to freedom. The truth set me free. I had to recognize my attraction to the same sex was sin and choose to not allow that bent toward that sin to define me. Feel compassion, I'm glad you have been transformed into more compassionate, but DON'T forsake the truth because it's what sets us free, not love. I'm happily married in a heterosexual relationship with three child whom I raise in the truth. I've been where you're only looking in on, and I can tell you that sorrow comes from embracing what God did not intend. I blamed it on "judgmental Christians and on society, but Psalm 51:1- our sin is against God and God only and until we come to him, until we choose him that sin will weigh heavy on us. So, feel compassion, "really love" and then use that love to communicate the truth- or you're not really loving at all.

    1. Hmmm…I already replied, but it's not showing up. I'll try again.

      Thank you for your thoughtful and respectful comment. You have a unique perspective and I appreciate you sharing it with us. It has been my hope that we can all sit around the table, so to speak, and be able to really listen to each other. Thank you for reading this and thank you for sharing!

    2. One last thought- I remain anonymous not because of Christians- Christians have met my testimony of change through Christ with love and grace. I remain anonymous because the LGBT community is hateful, really hateful, toward people like me. People who have been transformed by Jesus, who have a renewed mind in Christ (Romans 12:1-2 and the verse from Psalm 51 is actually verse 4- I realized that after posting). People who leave their ranks and say, "We, I, don't have to be this way. This is sin." Why are they hateful? Because the testimony of the reality of Christ in a heart shines the light in the darkness they love (Jn.3:17-21). I'm sorry- I am trying to be respectful, but I'm not dialoging, I'm correcting. You have been listening too closely to the wrong voices. Reading the Bible should give you all the compassion you need and still be in the truth. Love is not love w/o the truth and the truth is homosexuality is darkness, sin, and those who embrace it will have the consequence of unrest, no peace, and tormented souls. And, that consequence isn't because Christians aren't compassionate enough. I'm so thankful for Christ. Do I sometimes still feel attraction to other women? Yes, I sometimes do, I also sometimes feel the urge to take something off a store shelf and shove it into my purse. Those are both impulses. They're also both sin. They also both can be rejected and the right choice can be made. When sin is rejected and pleasing God is chosen there is peace, love, rest, blessing, and so much more. All the things you posted above are meant to play on your sense of compassion, but homosexuality is a choice. It may be natural impulse for some (it is for me), but the individual choses to be enslaved by the impulse. What you see in all of those talks and statistics is the prison people are in. Jesus loves them, but don't for one moment think God is looking down from heaven and saying to himself, "Gee, I wish that I didn't have to make homosexuality sin." He says it's sin because he knows that what you've shown above is the consequence. If there is hug from heaven it's to say, "Come on to me all you how are heavy laden and I will give you rest." When I first came to him is was work. It was hard to reject the mind set that had been conformed to this world. It was hard to bring every thought captive to Christ- it's WORK to come unto Him for his rest. The soul finds rest in him, but it takes work to follow him. If you want compassion- real, godly compassion- be someone who is patient and understanding of those in their process. someone who prays for the ones that are trying to follow him. They need your energy. Some one who prays for those in prison to come to Jesus to be set free. I don't find that in this post. What I see in this post is a woman who has listened too much to the world's sob story and not enough to the story of redemption. I'm correcting you because I have been one who is in that prison and has been set free and my freedom didn't come through the avenue your waxing eloquent about above. Stick to the truth. Do you want to feel sorry for those who are in this prison or do you want to see them set free?

    3. I can understand why you want to remain anonymous. There is fear and anger, both justified and unjustified, in both camps.

      Can I ask? What is your definition of heterosexuality? What is your definition of homosexuality?