Say something, I'm giving up on You.
Please, God. Say something.
If You don't speak, then I'll be the one if You want me to. Do you want me to pray? Do you want me to beg…again? For the 100th time, are You just waiting for me to ask just one more time?
I've been asking, God. I've been asking like a child, knowing that my Father would answer me. Knowing that my Father knows all the answers. Knowing that He would never leave me nor forsake me in this place of unrest, this place where I'm trying to learn who You are all over again. This place where I find myself alone and I don't hear You and I need You to say something.
God, anywhere… anywhere I would've followed You. I asked You where. I once looked at You with sincerity in my heart and surrender on my face and I said, 'I will go, Lord! I will go! Anywhere." And you said nothing. God, say something, I'm giving up on You.
My childlike faith is gone. I'm alone. Lost like a child, but no longer expecting You to show up. God, say something! Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me Your promises still stand. Tell me they were meant for me, too. Tell me I didn't believe a lie.
Questions…questions…questions… Always more questions and no answers. I used to know all the answers and now I'm feeling so small. My heart is torn from my head and I know nothing at all. Will You hold me accountable to do what's right when I don't even know what's right anymore? Do You demand that I figure it out and then say NOTHING?
Really, God? Really? You tell me to love people while You condemn them? I've opened my heart, God, and it's knocked me to the ground. I don't even know how to walk anymore. I'm just crawling, trying to find my feet, feel any strength, figure out how to walk all over again. Tell me You love like Jesus, God. Like Jesus. Tell me you love like Jesus. Say something.
God, I'm stumbling. Over and over again I stumble and fall. You told me to love like Jesus and I feel like I'm learning how to love in ways I never even knew existed. It's new to me, God, and I no longer feel like a Christian who is used to walking this narrow path, but a baby just starting to crawl. And yet, as I do, it feels like I've got Jesus calling me to keep crawling while You're crushing me down with Your foot and telling me that I'm doing it all wrong. It's as if You don't approve of the way I'm crawling and growing, even though it's the way Jesus showed me to.
SAY SOMETHING, God! Say something I'm giving up on You.
What did I do wrong, God? I'm sorry. Surely I missed something. I'm clawing my way across the floor, my hands bleeding, my arms weak, as I'm reaching up to You. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to You.
One more time God, one more time, I'll swallow my pride. You're the One that I love. You're all I have to hold on to. I want to leave, to walk away, but where? I don't know any higher power than You and though I don't trust You anymore, I don't trust anything else. If I don't have You, I have no one and no hope, so SAY SOMETHING, God.
Slowly I'm walking away. I'm letting go. I'm saying goodbye. Say something, I'm giving up on You.
I. Would. Have. Gone. Anywhere. I would've followed You, but now I'm too afraid. Can I deny the obvious? Can I go on pretending that everything You said sounds right? Do I have to go on sounding like an idiot, all in the name of making sure people don't see the holes in our system so they won't reject Jesus while I single-handedly send them to hell with their blood on my hands? Do I have to keep hiding from Christians because I dare to be honest and not excuse God? Do I have to shut off my heart and accept the easy answers? I've been asking You… begging You... for direction, but You say nothing!
God, say something, I'm giving up on You.
Thank you, Paul Knight, for showing me a new meaning to this song and giving my heart words.